We were checking into our motel the first night of our week-long trip to Montana when I saw it in the glass display case at the front desk: a thick stack of raffle tickets held together by a rubber band. The top one read “Lincoln Fireworks Gun Raffle — $5 per ticket or 5 for $20.”
And not just any gun — an AR-15. The preferred killing machine of mass shooters1.
Holy moly! We’re not in Kansas anymore.
Rather, we’re not in California anymore (I’m sure Kansas has AR-15 raffles).
My husband checked us in while I glanced around the tiny office of the Three Bears. A small table held flyers for tours and attractions, stamped motel postcards free for the taking, and bottle openers in case you forgot yours. On the side wall by the door was a poster for the gun raffle, complete with a photo of the prize, a Springfield Armory AR-15 Saint Victor Short Barrel. (I’m so naive about guns I didn’t know Springfield Armory was a brand until I looked it up. I thought there was an actual local armory providing the weapon.)
This wasn’t my first trip to Montana — my husband grew up in a small town at the southern tip of Flathead Lake and I’ve gone back with him to visit multiple times. But it was my first time staying in Lincoln (pop. 998), not far from where my brother-in-law lives.
Everyone we encountered was very friendly. Our first three days there we watched a chainsaw carving competition, took in an outdoor art installation, shopped the flea market and a roadside fruit stand, enjoyed a mini-picnic on the Blackfoot River, took my brother-in-law and his wife to dinner at the steakhouse on Main Street (which turns back into Highway 200 on the way out of town) and hung out with them and their spoiled dog Rosie at their property.
I’m usually the chatty one, but in Lincoln it felt like my introvert husband and I reversed roles. He was the one initiating conversations with strangers and I was the one hanging back and observing.
And all the while that gun raffle stuck in the back of my mind. What normal person wants an AR-15?
The people we met all seemed normal. What was I missing?
For the next two days we took a jaunt up to my husband’s hometown on the lake (during which he must have said “It’s so pretty here I can’t stand it!” about fifteen times).
We visited the cemetery where his folks are buried, had some beers at a local brewery, tried unsuccessfully to find a decent spot for dinner, watched the sun go down over the lake from the balcony of our hotel room (on land that was an abandoned lumber mill when he was growing up), and took a half-day rafting trip on the Flathead River that was complete bliss. Then we headed back to Lincoln for the last two days of our trip.
Now’s my chance I thought, as we pulled back into the Three Bears parking lot and I stepped into the office. My chance to finally ask a local the question I’d been mulling all week.
Patti, the owner, checked us in. I was hoping she would be there, as she was the one I’d called about reservations. (The Three Bears is old school — they have WiFi and a web page, but you must talk to a person to reserve your room.)
“I’d also like to buy a ticket to the raffle,” I said, pointing down into the display case. “And I have a question.”
“Okay,” she said. Then, “You know it’s a gun raffle.” She’s no dummy.
“I know,” I said. “I don’t really want a gun, but I’m happy to support the fireworks.” I took a breath. “And also I really want to know — what does one do with an AR-15? Why would you want one?”
She pulled the stack of tickets from the case, then handed me one as I filled out the stub. “Well, just for pleasure mostly. People around here like to go out and shoot sometimes. And collectors. If I had one I’d probably only use it once a year to go out and shoot cans.”
“It’s just — this is so different from where I live. To me I think AR-15 and I think mass shooter.”
“Well I’m on the chamber of commerce and I did have a few concerns when it came up,” she told me. “But I said if we do it all proper and make sure we follow all the laws I figured it’s okay.” Then she added, “If we were in a bigger community I think I’d have some more concerns about it.”
“So I guess its just kind of to have, maybe?” I responded.
“Yeah, that. People are allowed to carry firearms, so …” and she trailed off. Then added they’d already put a big dent in the cost of next year’s fireworks.
I thanked her for indulging me and tucked the ticket into my purse.
The thing is, Patti’s answers made perfect sense to me in context. Which left me feeling very conflicted.
If you had asked me the week before if AR-15s should be federally banned, I would have said yes without thinking twice. The Table Mesa King Soopers in Boulder was my daughter’s regular grocery store in 2021 when a man walked in with an AR-15 and a handgun, killing ten people and terrorizing dozens more.
I don’t remember how I first heard the news, but my daughter’s tweet from later that day haunted me for weeks afterward. Some days I had trouble getting out of bed, the weight of how close this violence was to my family pulling me down like a lead blanket.
Am I glad I live in a state where AR-15s are banned? Yes2.
But at this point, I think a federal ban is not only unlikely, but in places like Montana where guns are such a part of the culture, it would come across like a bunch of city people from other states trying to impose their values.
There’s already enough small-town vs. city people attitude, so why add to it? Case in point: Jason Aldean’s recent single Try That In a Small Town, where he twangs, “Around here, we take care of our own.” As opposed to the city where you can apparently sucker punch somebody on a sidewalk, carjack an old lady, and pull a gun on the liquor store owner with impunity because nobody will stop you. (Really?)
I had many thoughts about the song after hearing about it through articles about the backlash over the accompanying video. But I’ll instead encourage you to read
’ personal take on it in her Substack Live Your Life Live Your Life Live Your Life, as someone who actually grew up in a small town.Small towns certainly have no immunity from violence, particularly if you are different, but even among their own.
I intentionally brought along as my vacation reading the memoir Madman in the Woods: Life Next Door to the Unabomber, by former Lincoln resident Jamie Gehring. Her family owned land and a small sawmill a few miles outside of town, and Unabomber Ted Kaczynski lived right next door on property he bought from Gehring’s grandfather.
Gehring sifts through personal memories and countless documented sources as she tries to reconcile her own experiences of Kaczynski, who seemed like an eccentric, if mostly harmless hermit, with the knowledge of his seventeen-year reign of domestic terrorism, asking why and how, and how could we miss the signs?
One thing I learned from this book was even though Kaczynski lived off-grid in his cabin, he wasn’t isolated. He was very much known in town, using the one pay phone, frequenting the public library, and occasionally buying supplies at the general store. (My brother-in-law ran into him at the laundromat once — true story!)
In the early days, Gehring’s parents even invited him over for dinner and he held baby Jamie, later making a few hand-crafted gifts for her. But that was before the relationship turned antagonistic.
Though he never harmed their family directly, there were angry run-ins, and she learned later that he poisoned their dog, sabotaged their sawmill, and once sighted Gehring’s mother and baby sister in the crosshairs of his rifle scope, writing in his journal, “It would be easy to take the little bitch out. But then the big bitch could get away.”
Kaczynski was the ultimate anti-city person. And maybe it’s not fair to lump such an outlier in with regular small-town folks. Because it really is true that the culture just feels different in Montana. Our last morning we had a nice breakfast at a cafe in the very tiny town of Ovando (pop. 83) called The Stray Bullet, and the name just seemed quaint.
So what about those guns? I’m inclined to let Montanans have their AR-15s. Because although the state has the 7th highest firearm mortality rate3, the vast majority — 83 percent — are suicides, most often conducted with handguns.
In fact, roughly 3 in 5 firearm deaths nationwide are suicides, which is staggering.
The roots and causes of gun violence are complex and go back to the founding of this country. I’m certainly not going to solve anything in this newsletter. But I do know that by being curious, asking a respectful question, and listening to the answer, I’ve come closer to clarifying some of my own thinking. It’s also taken me one step back from my default of freezing in fear. Because you can’t be curious and fearful at the same time. And that feels like progress.
What I’m reading
In addition to reading about domestic terrorism this month, I’m also reading about money laundering and drug cartels!
Those who know me know I don’t read much fiction. But my author friend and fellow writing group member Carl Vonderau has written a riveting thriller, Saving Myles, rooted in all-too-realistic family dynamics of parents trying to do best by their troubled kid. When son Myles gets kidnapped in Tijuana, his separated parents Wade and Fiona must do whatever they can to get him back, in the process getting sucked into shady financial dealings of a drug cartel. “Behind every crime is a family” is the premise for each of Carl’s books, and Saving Myles will have you rooting for each character in this family, flaws and all.
Carl is having his book launch on Tuesday, August 15th at Warwick’s in La Jolla, in conversation with Matt Coyle. Seating will be limited, so pre-order from Warwick’s if you want a spot.
He’ll also be in Authors Alley at the San Diego Union-Tribune Festival of Books on August 19th.
So there you have it, my friends. Did you grow up in a small town? What was the gun culture like there? How do you react to news of gun violence in your community or elsewhere? I’m curious to know your experiences. All *respectful* discussion is welcome. We don’t have to agree, but I will remove comments that don’t contribute to civil discourse.
Depending on how you look at the data. The chart in this article shows 12 of the deadliest mass shootings since 2006 involved an AR-15, but mass killings (defined by the Mass Killing Database as 4 or more people) in private homes using semiautomatic handguns are far more common than public mass killings, which get the most media coverage.
If my name gets picked for the raffle I don’t know what they will do. I guess “subject to all state and federal regulations” means they’d have to pick another name.
As of June, 2023 data. Giffords.org lists as 9th highest but I think that data is from 2021
There's a proofreading error that went out in the email version of this post. After the Montana Gun Deaths by Intent graphic it should read: "In fact, roughly 3 in 5 firearm deaths nationwide are suicides, which is staggering. The roots and causes of gun violence are complex ..." Now fixed in the online version.
I grew up in an oil boom town here in Canada. I had grown up with kids who would go hunting with their family on the holidays, I don't know if they have that same importance of a gun like Americans have, I guess the view of guns for them was that they used them for recreational use. I don't think many of them specifically use the AR-15 for that though.
I think the folksy background of small towns is for the most part true especially in Canada, where if someone new moves into the town people are willing to help them get around. Definitely there are some instances of hate crimes towards others. In my experience, people will either keep their prejudices to themselves, give a curious look, or just glare at me. Had more experience of bullying in small towns than in cities from what I found, I think a lot of it came from those who had a different personality than others, or some of them who had tough lives in their homes. While they are definitely boring compared to big cities, I think small towns are definitely a bit more of a complex microcosm than how many presume they are.