A matter of perspective on elections and other things

In which I begrudgingly acknowledge the election might not be as important as I thought

A partial list of stuff I did since my last newsletter in mid-October

• Finished Season 3 of The Bear

• Drove my dad to twelve appointments

• Celebrated my dad’s 88th birthday with my sister, who came to town for a 4-day visit

• Got sick

• Took three Covid tests over six days (all negative)

• Lost my voice (and slowly recovered it again)

• Flew to Las Vegas for two days to finalize details and sign the contract with the property manager who will be helping us rent out my dad’s old house

• Tried taking a nap in the tub in the Las Vegas house after flying in while sick (I did mask on the plane) because there was no furniture in the house and I couldn’t check in to my hotel yet. (In case you are wondering, no it was not comfortable)

• Saw three movies in the theater (two in Vegas and one at home), reigniting my love of going out to the movies. All three highly recommended: Conclave, A Real Pain, and Bonhoeffer: Pastor. Spy. Assassin.

• Hosted the bi-monthly PFLAG San Diego County book club discussion on Zoom

• Finished Chanel Miller’s Know My Name. Hoo boy that was powerful.

• Devoured Truth is the Arrow, Mercy is the Bow. I underlined like crazy.

• Put flannel sheets on the bed

• Scouted reception venues for my daughter’s wedding

• Took my dad to two operas in The Met: Live in HD series at the movie theater: Grounded and Tosca. It’s something he really loves and I find I am enjoying it too. (Plus you can have popcorn!)

• Attended my husband’s guitar orchestra concert (and brought my dad)

• Participated in a Christmas handbell ring for the first time

• Oh, and I voted. And some of the candidates and propositions I voted for did not go my way.

One of those things felt WAAAAAAY more important than the others for a long time. Guess which one.

Yeah, it was the election. I didn’t sleep well for days afterward, and although it didn’t feel as bad as in 2016, mostly because I was steeling myself for the result I didn’t want, I felt like I’d been kicked in the gut for awhile. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that I started feeling sick on November 9th.

It felt like not only my country but my city were in complete opposition to my values. I would have sworn that 80 percent of the things I voted for did not go my way. I started to think Do I even have a place here?

I almost wrote that 80 percent number in the final bullet. But I like to be factual, so I looked up a list of election results and tallied them.

Final count: 9 things I voted for did not go my way, and 15 did.

How could that be? I had to go over the list multiple times to make sure I had it right. How could it feel like such a huge loss when I got my way on 5/8 of the things I voted for?

To be fair, some of the ones I didn’t get were biggies, including President and my local mayor’s race. And some of the other results that did not go my way were not in my jurisdiction, so even though I didn’t vote on them, I felt it.

I outsourced so much of my sense of wellbeing on just a few election outcomes, and focused on them so much that it felt like the most important thing in my life.

Then I made the above list. And I realized that’s not really true.

I guess all this is to say I’m learning to have a bit more perspective when it comes to politics. Don’t get me wrong, I still have concerns, even fears, about what the incoming administration in both my city and the country will mean. I will still work to get representatives in office that reflect my values and advocate for policies I believe in. But I don’t have to let the outcomes hijack my sense of belonging or wellbeing.

It’s humbling work, and it takes courage. Outrage is so much easier than perspective, and it’s hard to keep from spiraling when I read the news. But recognizing what is truly important in my life feels like maturity.

It’s a continuous practice, so I’ll let you know how it’s going. I feel I’ll be constantly working on this for, oh, the next for years through the rest of my life.

What I’m Reading

This is the place I usually pump up books I’m excited about. And I do highly recommend the two I mentioned above, Know My Name, and for writers, Truth is the Arrow, Mercy is the Bow¹.

But I want to focus on something that’s direclty helping me with the perspective I mentioned, and that’s the Tangle newsletter. It’s billed as “an independent, nonpartisan, subscriber-supported politics newsletter that summarizes the best arguments from across the political spectrum on the news of the day.” Each issue also includes a “My Take” section from founder Isaac Saul where he gives his personal opinion on the day’s topic.

Tangle is rated Least Biased with High Credibility by Media Bias Fact Check (a fascinating site), and I find Saul’s My Take to be well-thought-out with good arguments, even if I don’t always agree with them.

I came to Tangle from an intervew with Saul on the A Braver Way podcast put out by Braver Angels. I’ll be writing more about Braver Angels in a future newsletter.

I signed up for the paid subscription to Tangle because this time around with the Presidential results, I realized I can’t live in a perpetual state of outrage for the next four years. It’s not good for me, and I don’t think it’s good for what I want our society to be either. I’m just not willing to write off half the population, including some good friends and family members, because they voted for someone I don’t like².

Tangle offers a way for me to get exposed to the arguments and opinions of right-leaning folks without setting my teeth on edge, because it’s contained to one topic per day and balanced with other takes.

And — surprise, surprise — I found that given the mix of sources Tangle provides, from far-right to center-right as well as far left to center-left, I usually find compelling arguments that lean on both sides of center that resonate with my values. And here I thought I was a dyed-in-the-wool Leftie this whole time.

I love the Tangle name and logo, as it represents what I think is true. When you dig into what people really think, the truth is much more nuanced than just Red or Blue, Right or Left. It’s all tangled up, with views that fall on a spectrum (and we Blues love us a spectrum metaphor, amiright??)

If you find yourself on a journey similar to mine, check out Tangle. I think you’ll find a lot to like there.

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So there you have it, my friends. Have you ever (or recently) found your sense of priorities swamped by election results? How did that make you feel, and what did you do about it? I’d love to know your experiences. And if you check out Tangle please let me know what you think. All respectful discussion is welcome.

1. Affiliate link for Bookshop.org. In 2024 all affiliate earnings go to support The Strong-Hearted Native Women’s Coalition of San Diego.

2. I also let my Washington Post subscription lapse, as I found I was only reading the articles that already reinforced my left-leaning proclivities, looking for validation of my opinions of the “other” side. It didn’t leave me feeling good.

Besides Tangle I get most of my news from the San Diego Union-Tribune e-newspaper edition and Voice of San Diego. The U-T is also rated Least Biased with High Credibility by Media Bias Fact Check, with a slight left tilt. But I notice the last update was summer of ‘23 just as they got taken over by the Alden hedge fund, and it feels more right-leaning since then. VOSD is rated Left-Center with High Credibility. (I told you MBFC was a fascinating site!)